A mile in your shoes
by MeganKoumori
Summary: Mr. Simmons assigns everyone to trade places for a week with someone else. And guess who Arnold's trading with? Chapters 5 and 6 now up.
1. Chapter 1

1

* * *

It was a cold, cloudy day in early March. A strong wind shifted across the playground, brushed the swings, caressed the jungle gym, and finally found its way through a window.

* * *

Mr. Simmons shivered. "Who opened this window?" He asked as he shut it. A spitball whizzed past his ear. "Harold," The Teacher said without looking, "What have I told you about spitballs in the classroom? Once more and I will be forced to take your special shooter away." Clearing his throat, he hopped on the edge of his desk and grabbed a clipboard.

"Class, I know that you know that each of you are very special…"

"Here we go again…"

"But, I don't think that you know exactly how special some of you are. We each have talents and abilities unique to ourselves, because…"

"That's who we are." Half the class chorused with him.

"Right." Mr. Simmons chuckled lightly. "You're getting good at this! Now," He tapped the board against his thigh. "I want you to walk a mile in some else's shoes."

"If you think I'm getting my brand new, imported designer, lacey Belgian socks into Harold's sweaty sneakers, you are sadly mistaken, Mr. Simmons." Rhonda said with a toss of her dark hair.

"It's a metaphor, Rhonda, and I'm glad to see you got something out of Friday's lesson on adjectives. What I mean is, I want you to live someone else's life for a week!" The class murmured. "I want each of you to switch places with someone, live in their house, go to their extracurricular activities, and so on and so forth." Mr. Simmons' gaze swept the classroom. "I will be assigning each of you a very special someone to trade with, and on Monday, you will give a report on that person. Now, Sid and Gerald will switch places…"

"Boy Howdy!"

"Aw, man." Gerald put his head down on his desk.

"Along with Lila and Curly, Rhonda and Stinky, Helga and Arnold…" Helga started.

"Me and Arnold?" Quickly, she raised her hand. "Mr. Simmons, I gotta go the bathroom!"

"Phoebe and…" Mr. Simmons looked up. "My, Helga, you sure need to go to the bathroom a lot."

"It's an emergency!" Helga put on her sweetest face, the one she learned from Olga. "Pleeease?"

"Well, all right. Take a pass." He continued. "Phoebe and Harold, Nadine and Eugene…"

* * *

Helga burst through the bathroom door and into a stall. Pulling out her locket, she sighed. "Oh Arnold, Apollo of Earth, how strange the fates are, putting us together yet again. It must mean for you to belong to me, I must learn more about you. But I already know how loving, how kind, how patient you are! What more can I learn about you, my sweet majestic angel?" She delicately kissed her locket and put it back in her dress.

Whistling, Helga walked out of the stall and into the stares of three sixth graders. She glared as fierce as she could. "Tell anyone and you'll find your scrunchies down your throats!" She growled. And with a "Humph!" left them gaping.


	2. Chapter 2

2

* * *

"Sid, Sid, why did it have to be Sid?" Gerald groaned as he and Arnold walked together after school. "Have you seen the dump he lives in? I don't have to tell you, Arnold, but I'm a very high maintenance man, man."

"At least you didn't get Helga Pataki." Arnold shuffled his feet as he walked. "You know how those Patakis are. Everything's gotta be the best, everyone's gotta be perfect. Well," The football headed boy stopped. "This is Helga's place. I guess I'll see you later, Gerald."

"Yeah, see ya man, and don't worry," Gerald shot his friend a grin. "How bad could it be?"

* * *

Inside, Arnold shut the door and set his book bag down. "Hello? Is anyone home?"

"Cast off Herb, you stupid galoots!" Someone boomed in the living room. Arnold decided to take a look.

Big Bob Pataki was plopped in front of the TV, empty can in hand. "Jeez, stupid reality shows." He noticed the fourth grader in the doorway. "Who the heck are you?"

"I'm Arnold, Mr. Pataki. I'm supposed to take Helga's place for a week for a school project…"

"Fine, fine. Can you get me another cold one from the fridge?" The large man put up his feet. "I'm nearly dying of thirst here!"

In the kitchen, Arnold saw Miriam Pataki face down on the counter. "Oh my gosh!" He shrieked. "Mr. Pataki, Mrs. Pataki's dead!"

"What are you yapping about?" Bob called from the living room.

"Mrs. Pataki! She's dead!"

"She's not dead! Criminy. She just fell asleep again!" At her husband's yell, Mrs. Pataki stirred. Wiping a string of drool from her mouth, she looked at Arnold. "Hello. You must be one of, um, Helga's little friends."

Arnold was taken aback by how old and stale her breath smelled, but he managed to politely say, "I'm Arnold, and I'm supposed to take Helga's place for a week…"

"That's nice," She muttered. "I was just making dinner over there. It should be ready in five minutes." Arnold looked in the pot on the stove.

"Mrs. Pataki, this pot is completely empty."

"Oh, well then, how about we order a pizzahhhh…" The tall blonde women collapsed onto the floor in front of Arnold's feet.

"Hey, Arlen! Where's my drink?" Big Bob yelled.

Arnold sighed. "I wonder how Helga's doing."

* * *

Helga danced about Arnold's room, stuffing things into her book bag. "This will go good with my shrine, and this, and this…" There was a knock on the door. Helga threw the bag onto the bed. "Come in."

Grandpa poked his head in. "Well, hello there. So, you're going to be Arnold's replacement for a week, are you?"

"That's right, Old Time…I mean, Arnold's Grandpa."

"Call me Grandpa. Now you know, that means you're going to do Arnold's chores for him.

Helga shrugged. "No sweat. How bad could they be?"

"And today is the first of the month!" Grandpa grinned. "Do you know what that means?"

"No." Helga replied. "What's that mean?"

* * *

Helga knocked on a door. "Hello, I'm here to collect the rent." No answer. She pushed open the door. Suzie Kokosha was heard yelling,

"Oskar, how could you? That money was for groceries! How are we supposed to eat now?"

"How 'bout take out?"

"OSKAR!"

Oskar found his way to the door. "Well, hello Little Girl, how may I help you?"

"I'm here to collect rent." Helga repeated.

"Ok, that's great." A thick book came flying and Oskar ducked. "But you see, we are busy right now. My wife Suzie, she doesn't like take out…"

"I like take out, Oskar!" Helga could see Suzie getting ready to chuck a large ceramic ashtray across the room. "We don't have money for take out because you spent it at the race track! I swear, Oskar, this is the last time you do this!" The ashtray flew into the doorframe, shattering into a thousand pieces.

"Ok, then, I'll check back later." Helga rolled her eyes. "What a pair of nut jobs." She turned just as a large pot flew through the door and struck her in the head. "Oof!" Helga found herself face to face with the carpet. Oskar and Suzie continued to argue without notice.

"Criminy, what else could go wrong?" Helga mumbled into the rug.


	3. Chapter 3

3

* * *

Timberley Johanssen skipped rope on the sidewalk in front of her house. "Cinderella dressed in yella, went upstairs to kiss a fella! Made a mistake and kissed a snake! How many doctors did…HEY!" The little girl screamed as a flood of water came rushing down on her head. Giggling came from the second story window.

"That's not funny! I'm telling! MOMMMM!" She yelled as she ran in the house.

Upstairs, Jamie-O and Sid slapped five. "That was great!" Sid said, grinning from ear to ear. "I've always wanted a cool big brother!"

"Trust me, Kid." Jamie-O slapped his back. "I'm as cool as they come!" He grabbed Sid and gave him a noogie.

"Jamie-O, time to do the laundry! Let's go!" Mr. Johanssen called up the stairs.

"Now you'll find out the coolest part of being a big brother!" Jamie-O's smile changed. It became less cool and more sadistic. "You get to do all my chores!"

"What?" Sid's eyes got big. "How is that cool?"

"I didn't say who it was cool for."

"But…" Sid protested.

"Move it Kid!" Jamie-O pointed to the door. Sid gulped and slunk out of the room. "He's not so cool." He muttered.

"And later, you can help me practice for my wrestling meet!" Sid ground his teeth.

"Darn!"

* * *

"Wow!" Harold cried, opening the door to Phoebe's room. "Look how big it is in here! Bwahaha!" He ran around, looking from window to window. "Hello people!" He called to passersby in the street. "Look at me! I'm in a big room!"

The large boy flopped on Phoebe's bed. POP! Air rushed out of the mattress as it slowly sunk to the floor.

"Whoops."

Mr. Hyerdahl opened the door, looking very unhappy. "Hi, Mr. Phoebe's Dad! Say, you wouldn't happen to have another mattress would you?"

"Young man, what is this I found in your back pack?" He thrust a piece of paper at Harold.

"It's my math test."

"It's an F!" Mr. Hyerdahl crossed his arms. "In this household, F is unacceptable! You must try harder!"

"Ok, I will!" Harold closed his eyes and relaxed.

"No, I mean now, Harold! We must get your grade up if you are to go to university!"

"University?" Harold blinked. "What's that?"

Mr. Hyerdahl sighed and rolled his eyes. "It is a very big college where you will study science, medicine or law!"

"But I want to be a butcher!"

"And with these grades you will be! Now let's go!"

"Aw, gee!" Harold climbed out off the flat mattress and slunk out the door.

"And remember!" Called Mr. Hyerdahl. "Posture!"

"Aw!"

* * *

Phoebe adjusted her paper hat. "Are you ready to help me prepare this chicken, Phoebe?" Asked Mr. Green.

"I'm sure it will be an educational experience to remember!"

"Yeah, yeah." Mr. Green gestured towards the raw poultry on the counter. "Now that I've plucked it and cut it head off, it's time to remove the insides."

Phoebe made a squeaking sound. "You mean, its internal organs?"

"Yeah, its insides." Mr. Green handed her gloves. "All you gotta do is reach inside and pull."

Phoebe felt her stomach retch. "Me? Sir, while I enjoy certain medical dramas, actually touching the organs is quite different…"

"Oh come on! Just do it!" Mr. Green grabbed Phoebe's hand and shoved it inside the bird.

Phoebe became pale. "Oh my…"

"See it's easy!" Phoebe's eyes rolled back on her head and she slunk onto the floor, the chicken still on her hand. "Phoebe? Phoebe? Aw, great."

* * *

Lila slurped her soup. "My, Mrs. Gamelthorp, this gumbo is ever so tasty!"

"Thank you, Darling!" Curly's mom patted her head. "I always wanted a sweet little girl!"

Mr. Gamelthorp finished his soup and pushed the bowl aside. "Ah, another fine meal, Meredith!"

"Mrs. Gamelthorp," Chirped Lila. "I would be ever so happy to help you with the dishes!"

"Isn't she just precious?" Mrs. Gamelthorp grabbed Lila in a crushing bear hug. "Ooh, I just want to eat her up!"

"Don't worry about dishes, Lila." Mr. Gamelthorp winked at his wife. "We can do that later. Right now, we have our own little tradition." Mrs. Gamelthorp got up and went to the kitchen cupboard.

"Oh, what is that?"

"On the first of the month, every month, after dinner, we have haircuts!" Mrs. Gamelthorp pulled out a white ceramic bowl.

"A haircut?" Lila said in surprise. "But I am ever so certain that I do not need a haircut! I just had one…"

Mrs. Gamelthorp placed the bowl on the girl's head. "Now, Honey, you don't want to mess with tradition, do you?"

"Well, no but…" Mr. Gamelthorp plugged an electric razor into the wall.

"Don't worry, Sweetheart! This won't hurt a bit!"


	4. Chapter 4

4

* * *

Helga dragged her feet down the stairs. Grandpa greeted her at the bottom. "Well, well, how are you doing as Arnold's replacement?"

"HOW am I am doing? HOW I am doing?" Helga seethed. "I nearly got killed by that crazy Polish guy and his wife, that Ernie Potts tried to get me into the construction business, Mr. Hyunh made me clean his toilets so now I smell like Tidy Bowl, and all I got out of the whole thing was one lousy DIME!" The girl's shoulders heaved up and down in rage. "No wonder Arnold's so patient all the time! He's used to putting up with lunatics!"

"So you've learned to live in Arnold's shoes, have you?" Grandpa chuckled. "Pretty good for a first day, huh, Short Gal?"

Helga huffed, "This has been the worst day of my life!"

"Don't worry, Helga, things will improve!" Grandpa grinned, showing his two last teeth. "Dinner's next, and then it's game night!"

"Game night?" Helga smiled. "Now you're talking! What kind of games? Poker? Rummy? Craps?"

Grandpa scratched the top of his bald head. "Well, I don't know about that, but I know one of Arnold's favorites! Chutes and Ladders!" Helga grimaced. "Oh we all have lots of fun playing that one!"

"Chutes and Ladders?" Helga repeated. "You gotta be kidding! That's for babies!"

"Chutes and Ladders?" Mr. Hyunh said, coming down the stairs. "I love Chutes and Ladders!" Oskar and Suzie, their fight apparently on hold, were behind him.

"Are we playing tonight?"

"Please say yes, Grandpa!"

Helga groaned. "Oh man!"

* * *

_He looks like that wolf on the predator video Mr. Simmons showed us in class, _Arnold thought as the Beeper King greedily devoured his pizza slice. In five seconds it was gone. Tomato sauce and cheese hung around his mouth. Arnold shuttered.

"So, how are things going?" The two adults at the table stared at Arnold as if he had sprouted an antenna out of his head. "You know, in your lives?"

"Why do want you want to know?" Bob said aggressively.

Arnold was taken aback by this gruff manner, but he was undeterred. "I just thought that since we're spending the week together…"

"Look Ambrosia," Bob took a new slice of pizza out of the box and pointed it at the boy. "Around here, we keep to ourselves! No touchy-feely, got it kid?"

"I understand, but…"

"Hey, hey!" Bob frowned and shook his head. "You don't interfere in our lives, and we don't interfere in yours! We feed ya, we clothe ya, we give ya a satellite dish, what more could you want?" The big man stuffed his pizza in his mouth.

Arnold sighed and played with his food. _No wonder Helga's so cranky all the time,_ He thought sadly. _No one cares about what happens to her here. Maybe if someone gave her some attention…_

With that thought, he finished his pizza and excused himself to bed.


	5. Chapter 5

5

* * *

The next day was clear of clouds but still as cold as ever. Students wore jackets to school, and a few even brought scarves. People in the street pulled down their hats and shoved their hands deep in their pockets, trying to avoid the last winter chill.

* * *

_Ah, the buzz of my students early in the morning!_ Mr. Simmons thought as he neared the classroom. _There's nothing I like more than children, ready and eager to learn! _He removed his jacket before he went in.

"Hello…class?" He blinked in disbelief. Yes, this was his class, but there was something different about them today.

Phoebe rocked in a corner of the room. "So…slimy. So…vile…" She murmured. "The chicken on my hand…"

"Chicken?" Asked Curly.

"Argh!" The petite girl shrieked. "Where? Get it away! I never want to see barnyard fowl again, dead or alive!"

"I never want to see Gerald's brother again!" Sid snarled. "I've got rug burns all over my body from that maniac! I swear he made up that Flying Mare move!"

"Uh-uh." Gerald shook his head. "It's real."

Harold hunched over a book in the back. "If a curve is continuous, crosses over the x-axis at two points, and has a tangent at every point between the two intercepts, its tangent is parallel to the x-axis at some point between the intercepts. That's Godel's theorem, right? Right?"

"Actually that's Rolle's theorem, Harold." Said Mr. Simmons. "But good try."

"I had loads of fun at Nadine's house!" Said Eugene in his sunshiny voice. "Except for when I knocked over your bees, but your mom had first aid, and she was able to…"

"My bees!" Shouted Nadine, jumping up. "You knocked over my bees! Eugene Horowitz, I'm gonna…"

"My," Interrupted Mr. Simmons. "We've sure had interesting experiences and it's only been one day! Wait a minute," He began to count heads. "Where's…"

The door swung open. "Lila!" The class gasped. The redhead's braids were gone and she looked as mad as a hornet.

Mr. Simmons broke the silence. "Lila, what a, um, special haircut. Class, doesn't Lila look special?" The teacher puffed out his cheeks, trying not to laugh.

"Looks spanking!" Curly called out.

"You!" She pointed to Curly. "You and your family did this to me! I'll get you!" She lunged at the boy and wrapped her fingers around his neck, trying to choke him.

"Get her off me!"

"Lila stop!" Mr. Simmons called, jumping off his desk. Harold, Arnold and Stinky tried to pull the girl away, but she held fast. "Lila, I cannot not tolerate this kind of behavior!" Mr. Simmons said. "Now…please…let…go!" All five went tumbling backwards onto the floor.

The teacher breathed a sigh of relief. "Much better. Now Lila, I think you need to spend some time talking to Principal Wartz."

Lila pouted her lip. "But I'm oh so sorry!" Mr. Simmons just shook his head and pointed to the door. With a heavy sigh, the girl trudged sadly out into the hall.

"Man, Lila spends one day as a Gamelthorp and already she's as nutty as Curly!" Gerald whispered to Arnold. "I hope this means you don't become a pain in the butt like Helga!"

"Hey, leave Helga alone, all right?" Arnold said bitterly.

"What?"

"Just leave her alone." Arnold repeated. "She's got problems, ok?"

"But…"

Arnold took his math homework out of his desk. "Just cool it, Ger." The other boy shrugged and dropped the subject.


	6. Chapter 6

6

* * *

The cafeteria was loud and full of different smells, not all of them pleasant nor appetizing. Arnold took his usual spot next to Gerald.

"Hey Arnold," Said Gerald, taking a bite of his sandwich. "What's with the Charlie's Angels lunch box?"

"It's Helga's. Her mom packed it for me." Arnold's face turned to stone as he opened the plastic container.

"What's wrong?" Gerald took a swig of milk.

"There's a plastic knife and Spork set, a napkin, and an empty thermos, but no actual food in here!" Arnold said.

"No way! No mom would actually…" Gerald grabbed the box and peeked inside. "I don't believe it!"

A baloney sandwich wrapped in plastic fell from above. "Here you go, Arnoldo, but for now on, make your own lunches, ok?"

The football headed boy smiled at Helga. "Wow, thanks Helga, that was really nice of you! I guess you figured your Mom would…"

"Yeah, it's not the first time." Helga frowned and pointed. "Don't say I never did anything for you!" And with that she stalked away.

The two boys looked at each other, then Arnold pushed out his chair. "Helga wait!"

* * *

The blonde girl was on the tetherball court, punching the ball as hard as she could around the pole.

Arnold caught up with her. "Helga?" He panted.

"What?" She snapped. "You want mustard on your sandwich?"

"No," He caught the ball as it whizzed towards him. "I just wanted to say thanks again." He pushed it back towards her. She punched it.

"Yeah well, don't get used to it, Bucko! It was a once in a life time deal!" Arnold nodded.

"I know." He hit the ball with his knuckles. "How'd you like my house?"

"Pff! You live with a bunch of nuts!" Helga smacked the ball as hard as she could. "They made me play Chutes and Ladders ten stinking times in a row!"

Arnold sighed. "I know. I can't stand that game. For some reason Grandpa thinks it's my favorite. But you know, they're my family." Arnold grew quiet. "You know, Helga, I think I know why you scowl and yell and act so mean all the time."

Helga rolled her eyes. "Oh boy, bring it on, Freud! Sure go and ahead and analyze me, Football Head."

"Well," Arnold started. "I was up last night thinking about this, and I think that maybe you push away people because you're afraid…"

"Afraid?" Helga laughed. She swung her fist into the ball. "Helga Pataki ain't afraid of anything, Buster!"

Arnold gave her a knowing look. "You're afraid of rats, Helga."

The girl grinned sheepishly. "Oh yeah."

Arnold knocked the ball away. "Anyway, maybe you're afraid that if you get too close to people that they'll hurt you, plus the fact that your family's not too close either. Your dad wouldn't even tell me how his day was."

"You asked him how his day was?" Helga echoed. "Please! My dad doesn't open up to anyone, especially strangers!"

"Yeah, well, maybe a little of that has rubbed of on you."

Helga's face grew angry. "What do you mean? My life is an open book, Pal! No secrets here! What you see is what you get!" She checked his face to see is her bluff had worked. It hadn't. "Aw, Criminy." She muttered as she swatted the ball to Arnold. He caught it.

"I think there's a lot more to Helga Pataki than meets the eye." He studied the bumpy yellow surface. "And maybe you're not ready, but someday, I'd like to see the other side of Helga. I think she's probably a nice, caring person."

Helga was stunned by his words. Only the tetherball striking her in the gut brought her back. "Yeah…well…" She struggled for words. "Shows what you know!" But she smiled a thin little smile and he smiled back.

"Hey Arnold," She asked as they continued to bat the ball back and forth. "How did you know about…you know?"

Arnold knocked the ball around the pole. "I walked a mile in your shoes, Helga."

* * *

Across the playground, a group of kids sat watching the two play ball. "Umm, umm, umm!" Gerald shook his head. "Helga and Arnold playing together! This ain't right!"

"I know, and why is it always 'Umm, umm, umm' with you?" Sid asked. Gerald gave him a look. Sid threw up his hands innocently. "I'm just asking! You're always doing the 'Umm' thing!"

Curly crept up behind Phoebe, who was sitting next to Gerald. "Hey, Phoebe! Chicken!"

"AHHH!" She cried, jumping up so quickly that her hand hit Curly in the face.

"Ow!"

"Come on you guys," Gerald interrupted. "What you think about this? Why are Helga and Arnold playing tetherball? Next thing you know, it'll be foursquare, then dodgeball, then…"

"You know, Gerald," Said Nadine, putting down her book on Scarab Beetles and their relatives. "You always freak when those two are together! Quit blowing things out of proportion, ok?"

"Proportion:" Harold recited. "'A statement of size equality between two ratios in which the first of the four terms divided by the second equals the third divided by the fourth…"

"Will you stop that!" Gerald snapped at the larger boy.

* * *

At the classroom window, Mr. Simmons watched Helga and Arnold play tetherball. "Well, looks like my very special project has worked out better than I thought." Then quietly, he added, "Way to go, Helga!"

* * *

(Yes, I know, the ending is a bit sudden. But it just feels right to end it here. If you're a writer, you know what I mean.)


End file.
